I mean, seriously. Being on the conventionally unattractive end of the spectrum, it's not like I've been at the top of everyone's "to date" list. And yeah, I used to say that men were just looking for someone attractive. I'd watch guy after guy go after women who treated them like shit, just because they looked good. Meanwhile, I got left in the dust. But you know what? I realized that I want someone who will want me for who I am. That *includes* the outside, you know, the face, the body, the whole nine yards. I don't want to date someone who's just "giving the nice, but fat girl a try". I want to date someone who looks at me and sees someone beautiful, inside and out.
The second thing I realized is that I don't want to be that person who complains about people not giving me a chance. There's two reasons for this. First, I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone who isn't 100% committed to being there. I don't want to guilt anyone into being in a relationship with me, when they feel like they can "do better". That's not healthy for me, or for them. Secondly, who cares if someone doesn't like me "that way"? If they can't see how awesome I am, well, they're the ones missing out, not the other way around! Frankly, I can do better than them.
In addition, I think that when you're with someone who you think is "settling" for the nice guy/girl, you will project your insecurities on to them. Because that's what this is really about, your insecurities. You'll think that you don't deserve to be with someone so awesome, and constantly question why they're with you. And that's some misdirected disrespect, right there.
Quite frankly, we women tend to internalize these issues. We tend to tell ourselves we aren't attractive, and assume that no one wants us. When we bitch about how all men want are the good looking women, it doesn't become a fucking internet meme. The whole reason women end up with those shitty guys? Because THEY were the ones that made the woman feel attractive.
Guess what guys: being nice does not entitle you to a lay. If you treat us with respect, as people, then you aren't going to be as disappointed when we don't fall into bed with you. Because you know what? You act nice because you're talking to a fellow human being, not because you are hoping to score a fuck. If you're doing the latter, you're not actually a nice guy.
And please consider, that while you may find someone intensely attractive, the feeling is not always mutual. Just because you're nice does not mean that there isn't some other flaw in your personality that other people may not like. There may be something about you that just bugs them. It may not be enough to keep you from being their friend, but there tend to be higher standards for someone who you are going to possibly spend your life with. If it's a big enough flaw, it may cause you to become really unappealing to the person, as far as sex/relationships are concerned. (Hint: one of these may be whining about how no one likes nice guys.)
So to sum up:
- Being nice does not entitle you to sex / a relationship
- Women are allowed to pick who they're attracted to as well
- You may very well *be* friend material, rather than relationship material, for a specific woman
- You shouldn't try to get into a relationship with someone who doesn't want to actually be there
- Guilting someone into trying you out as a "nice guy" means you aren't actually a nice guy
- Finally, food for thought
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